So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
