I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
