Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
