If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
