I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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