either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize