Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
