so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want nice things and good sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
