OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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