judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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