If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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