The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
