she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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