based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
