Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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