How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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