how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
