Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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