I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
