Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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