He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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