Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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