Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
