my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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