If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
