So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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