how can u be prego again
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
