i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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