I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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