I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
