why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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