That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
