Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
