if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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