**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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