that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
