I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
