Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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