Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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