I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
