Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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