Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
