And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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