He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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