I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
