i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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