maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
vagina is talking i cant
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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