I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
