But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Buhtt sex?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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