You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
