Barsexuality is the new black.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize