Need sex. Gaining weight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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