Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
