im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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