what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
