if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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