How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
