to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
