Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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