The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i think i just lost a toe
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
