I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had sex on a dog bed..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
