I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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