i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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