Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
