Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
