I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
