All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
