Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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