i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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