Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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