I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
