I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize