out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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