I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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