i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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