Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
