You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
