oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
