I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
