i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
