I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
