Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
