Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize