I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
