but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
