I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
