This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
