I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
