You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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