Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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