just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
