To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
