The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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