Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
