I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
