Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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