May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
