Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
