Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
