apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
