i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
