I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
