You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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