Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
