Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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