I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize