Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
