Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
