I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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