I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
