In the future we'll all be gay
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
