I want you more than these girls want KFC
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
