dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
