life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
