Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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